yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm bleeding and have questions
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
