we have officially lost it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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