I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Let's get the cat blown out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
