Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
