FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
