I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
