True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
