You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
