I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
