Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
