I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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