Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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