i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
