Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
