I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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