I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Less talking, more tequila
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
