We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A bitchslap is in order.
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