we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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