Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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