Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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