I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
