when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
