Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
