Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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