I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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