Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
