No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
