oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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