I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
