I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
