They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
