1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
