I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
