how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
