I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
