my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
