All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
