I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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