In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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