U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the condom got lost in my hair
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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