how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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