Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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