you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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