Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
