Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
