It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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