I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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