you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
