I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
