Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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