it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
